Journal #121 HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

Here is a little Project Pink, I haven't figured out the video clip stuff yet so I can't show the entire room. All complete minus a special Cupcake mirror and baby pink shag area rug. The wall has custom decals by Vinyl Attraction, custom bedding by Polkatots, and designed especially for Cupcake.

I must say I am more excited for this year to end than I have ever been in my life. We always begin the year celebrating our Anniversary (01-02-03) BUT this year the highlight will be....when the little girl across the ocean becomes our offical Cupcake forever! On that note goodbye to 2006. It has been a very special year of new friends, new places, and the meeting of our daughter. Wide open arms for 2007. Cheers to everyone!

Journal #120

Here it goes, I am so babbly I don't quite know where to begin...

FIRST- Melissa & Mike were beginning their second night with Baby K. She phoned as Maria and I were sitting down for lunch. Of course we were so so so happy to hear from her. Hopefully they will be able to wrap up everything in Ivanovo so they can head to Moscow so they can spend New Year's with Baby K in the US. Soon after they will be rushing to go back to Rostov to have court AGAIN for Baby O.

Second- I heard via email adn blog post from Deana. She met her son and daughter today. She sounds tickled PINK and BLUE!

Third- A new blogger family, Rob and Michelle have received their referral and are leaving for Russia in 2 weeks so stop by their blog!

Next- Kate M posted such a great post check this one out too

Last- Many people are asking me about Cupcake. Our paper work was handed in December 14th. In Moscow Region it can take up to thirty days to collect all of the Baby's paper work from the social worker, hospital, and baby home. She has quite a file in ALL of these departments. The Russian Holidays add about 7-10 days so we do not expect to hear anything until mid-end of January. YES I AM FREEKING OUT, I miss her terribly, and we are both so excited to get back to her as soon as possible.

Things I am doing to pass time- SHOPPING TOO MUCH, made a pediatrician appointment to interview the doctor, reading a little bit to relax, making plans with friends and family, getting ready to go away for the New Year's, and a bit more SHOPPING? Don't tell on me! if Marco sees one more box with PINK in it I am in big trouble. I have to bribe the UPS man to stop ringing the doorbell when he drops the boxes!

Journal #119 - Merry Christmas! Cupcake-We miss you!

The number 25 is my favorite number as I have played this number on Roulette for years. Marco's Birthday, Cupcake's Birthday, and my great grandmother's are all on the 25th. Maybe January 25?

Journal #118

Hmmm... not a lot to read in Bloggerland! Should I assume the happy ones' are in Russia, some are too busy with the holiday's, and the rest of us are impatiently waiting for a court date or accreditation? It is easy to categorize myself! I am miserable but faking it! For the record, I don't feel justified but it is what it is! Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we have seen Cupcake. Sometimes I can close my eyes and hear her giggling in my ears. Sometimes it seems so long ago since I looked in her eyes. The process seems so cruel sometimes. Where else should she be on the holidays? Well, this is why you guys haven't heard from me. It was going to be a productive night as I was about to print all of the photos from our trip so I could send them to my Grandmother in Florida, & Marco's family in Italy. Tomorrow after I finish up some last minute shopping I will try again.

I did want to hop on the computer to wish all of you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year's!!!

ADDENDUM: #116A
A few inquired about the sneeky blogger friend who hasn't shared their new NEWS with all of us. Here is a hint: 2 days ago I moved them on the blogroll to their new position. Any guesses?
PS I have permission!
EDIT: Laura and Rich (Confessions) Did receive their referral for a little girl. They were trying to leave Friday. Laura drove down last night and spent the night here so we could run to drop off their passport's to get visa's. Of course, after we woke up early and hurried towards DC the decision was made to leave Jan 15th! Now they won't miss Christmas with their son!!!

Journal #117

I was just about to rant and rave but let me put it on HOLD! for another day!!!

Dear Jenny(MSBP), Thank you for being so sweet and thoughtful. I feel I neglected thanking you the way I would have with pics on the blog, and more notes to you but I became absorbed in our travel to meet Cupcake! Since the reveal, I have wanted to email you but after endless hours hunting all over your blog I can not find an email link. Just when I was going to lose my last few brain cells as I realized how long it will be until we see Cupcake again, I received your card. The handwriting was so similiar to my Mom's I almost tossed it aside (sorry Mom) but then I thought why would my mother put my address as the return address. Maybe in her mushiness it was a hint she wanted to move in with us? I WISH! Anyway, your card was beautifully written. It reminded me that I should always be happy! Whether we wait one day or many weeks (so hard to say!) I would go to the end of the earth to bring Cupcake home! You lifted my spirits. Thank you!

Thank you note #2-

Dear Kim- (the one who either makes me pee in my pants or wipe eyes & nose on my sleeve as I ball endless tears!),

What a surprise! Thank you for the "full house", the only "Russian Influence", and the thoughtful gift you sent today. I thought what the heck did order and forget about? Please tell me when I trade in the convertible and cigarettes for mommy mobile and bottles I will transform into a ggod mom and a thoughtful woman. I think sometimes I am feeling the transformation but then I have to pop a bottle of wine to celebrate the last few moments of freedom! Then...I cry like a baby thinking who wants this freedom, what is freedom, and all I want is CUPCAKE home with us!

Thank you both again for successfully assisting me in getting through a day with a big smile!

I still can't figure out how other people do it without their blogger friends! You girls are the best!

Journal #116

A busy day deserves an applause!!! Safe trip to Jen & Mike. In the air they passed Maria & Jeff- Welcome Home! They pleasantly reported there was 5 families traveling back to the USA with their children! Melissa and Mike are scurrying through the last details to leave on Monday to head to a court date for Baby V, and meet Baby #2. Right after they leave we have to bid farewell to Denise & Dave as they have court too. Maybe by then we will hear from Sandy about her referral she met a few days ago. Also a new blogger friend, Deanna, is leaving Christmas! On top of all of this news- one of our sneeky blogger friends has amazing news they haven't shared YET! A toast to all of you!!!

Journal #115

Do you think agencies give us more paper work as we go along to keep us busy? I mean the little bits I did when we returned was completed on my end like a 911. Of course I know it won't speed up the process. When the courts in Russia invite us, we will gladly arrive to pick-up Cupcake. Hopefully SOONER than later! I think those of you ahead of the rest downplay the time between Trip #1 & 2. Maybe you are doing us a favor? Maybe you have tried programming yourself by saying this is the process? Maybe you are so PRO adoption you don't want to scare people away? May be those after should keep our mouths shut? I CAN'T!

Yesterday it started! The first two days we looked at the photos and videos. We shared them with friends and family. Now we have rested a bit. Reflected on our whirlwind of events in Moscow. Laughed about some, biter about others', and TEARFULLY excited to have found our Cupcake! More excited to see her again then words can explain. However, we know the wait inbetween trips is BARELY humane! This is the worst part of the process. This makes the paper chase, the homestudy, the waiting for documents in the mail, doctor appointments, and the WAIT for a referral EASY!

I remember thinking about so many facets of the process, and our child to be but I never remember giving great thought to her personality. There is SO MUCH personality in this household. Sometimes too much! Cupcake's personality is what amazed me the most! Everyday I changed her clothing into whatever PINK outfit I brought in my bag I thought about what a cool kid she is! She liked me dressing her. When Marco or I would fix her hair she would pose with a smile of gratitude. When we played ball she would laugh, when we handed her a toy she would examine thoroughly. If we would hold her hands to show her how to do something, she would mimick with effort. She was active, intense, and inquisitive. She was funny, attentive, and curious. She had heart and soul. Her spirits were high, and her gentle touch was magical. She was a handful in a good way, but we are too!
When she reached for us it brought smiles to our faces that we almost didn't recognize in each other. I haven't quite dissected all of our experiences to decide who needs who more. I whispered in her ear (must of tickled as she would giggle) everyday, you are Princess Cupcake. You will never NEED ever again!

I miss her so much. I remember staying in a shell as I learned the process. Leaving the computer was difficult as I could learn enough from enough people. Now it is even worse. I do not want to do, see, hear, or go ANYWHERE! With great efforts I pretend to be together but the void will remain until we are all home together.

Thank goodness for so many wonderful things going on in Bloggerworld! Watching everyone coming and going and returning as families is reminder to wait in line patiently! I know it is not our turn yet! At least I know it will be soon. Thanking all of you ahead for the hope and promises of the other side of the rainbow!

This weekend all of the pics will be printed and videos will be burned to CD. Hopefully I will find the magical mirror I have been searching for her room. Maybe we will start to buy some "things" for her room. Project pink turned out almost PERFECTLY with exception toys and clothes?

Have a good weekend!

Journal #114

Tickled PINK and I would like to stay this way for a few hours. The need for calmness is unexplainable. After realizing we just lived through the scariest ride of our lives we hopped back on with Maria and Jeff. I just got off the phone with them. Thankfully they were able to meet a darling 13 month old boy. The BIGGEST blue eyes ever! It was not to long ago we understood "bittersweet" in a different way too! After everything is going wrong you receive the most amazing jolt as the turn around can give you whiplash! You are so ecstatic as you know things are getting better but the scars from the hours and days before can be difficult to shake. To top it off, it sticks in the back of your mind you will shortly leave with no promise of a return date.

Today I am wondering where Cupcake is, what she is doing, and if she is being reminded that we are hurrying back. It sounds funny but there is another little boy in her group who is being adopted by an American family. When we were in her playroom they did keep telling him his American Parents were coming soon. It was cute.

The list of things to do is not enough to occupy us. We need to get a Psychological. We are using Dr.Busch. It is cool. She is on the sidebar under Links. I forgot how I found her in the beginning of our process but when we were going to Kazan we didn't need her services. Now that we are in Moscow District we do. Also our FBI clearance which I did in June but wasn't necessary back then, is necessary now. However only good for 6 months. This is not the fingerprints for your HS or the INS. This is on the Blue Form but you send independently to the FBI and they send this to you with a letter attached. Just another $18/person and about a 2 week wait. The fingerprinter is on the way ot our home so I can Fedex this today. Hopefully it says "No Arrest Record."

We were told we will not hear anything for about 30 days. At this point we should hear if anything is incomplete or needs corrections and if not a Court date. We are hoping about a week after the Russian Holidays to hear ANYTHING!

The mushy gushy stuff- no matter how tired or what time it may be you may catch me watching the million video clips and 126 photos of cupcake. We do feel as though we had such quality time with her. Please never feel silly taking too many pics or videos you will want them!!!

Journal #113

Not very often am I left speechless and confused but today tops all. I think everyone knows in Bloggerland, Jen finally got her COURT DATE to bring Pineapple home. Thank god. Jen has been one of the most vocal to share her experience, travel tips, travel lists, and itinerary with all of us. With that being said, it has been very sad for all of us to feel her painful journey upclose and personal. Prayers do get answered! How it is so easy for some and not others? We are only dealt the hand we can handle! Again warm wishes and BIG hugs to you and your family.
On a darker note, please reach out to Jeff&Maria as today was a devasting day for them and their family. As they shared the wonderful news of their referral and completed their second day at the Baby Hospital with their perfect child....They were informed a Russian Lady who viewed this child changed her mind so she would like to take him. As she told me the story I couldn't believe my hears, and my eyes swelled with tears. So soon after we felt similiar feelings all of the wounds opened to bleed. I couldn't bring myself to do a little paperwork or talk about our finale with friends and family as I was in mourning for their loss. Marco and I are both stunned, sad, and sending the warmest wishes a sucessful tomorrow!

Journal #112
Surprise!!! The girl is still awake! After arriving at JFK 45 minutes early our driver took us about 45 minutes Melissa&Mike's where we left our car. What is better than having such wonderful friends who had an awesome homecooked dinner for us upon our arrival? Thank you both. We really enjoyed spending time at your home before our long ride back to Baltimore. If that wasn't special enough...Maria Jeff sent us photos of our their precious new addition so Melissa and I got to share this moment too. After getting home another puter friend with our agency got the "CALL" to leave to meet their 2 sons to be! Keep all of the good news coming my way. I have a feeling I will need all of the distractions to help pass the time. We just finished viewing the 126 photos and 96 video clips with my Mom and Larry. It is now 1:15am on Tuesday, December 12, 2006. I do not remember the last time I went to sleep. Leaving Cupcake is NOT going to be a topic of conversation. We allknow this is part of the process. Most of you know better than us how it feels. I just want to be excited to see her soon. Her smile and giggles complete us! To all of you who have sent us the warmest thouhgts and greatest friendships over the past months we thank you so much as it has been touching, supportative, and embracing through such a vulnerable yet exciting time! Nite nite

Journal #111

Last post from Moscow. How does it feel to be ready to come home and not wanting to leave? Compound this with Maria and Jeff's arrival so we wish were here one more night to share in their first day experience.

We shared with them the location of our favorite cafe which is closeby for them too. Our favorite "gourmet" grocery store (Thanks Scott&Lisa). We met them upon their arrival walked around and got a pizza. Again we met after "The Nutcracker" at the cafe. We wished them luck and returned to the apartment which hosted us during our trip to meet our daughter.

How do we feel? We left home on December 1st. We can't wait to get home so we can start hurrying back! Our trip was "perfect." Stop laughing! Yes, we hit some bumps and potholes along the way but we made it! We stood strong, decisive, and together every step. We realized everyone's journey will be different but IF we had to walk the rocky road again to find her, we would do it again and again.

In closing from Moscow, we thank all of the wonderful people who have been a part of our process to see us through to the next step. We send warm wishes to everyone who is moving forward one step at a time to complete their family's. We send the biggest hugs in the world to Jeff and Maria as we know this will be the beginning of the most special time of their lives.

To our Cupcake, we left our hearts in Moscow for you but we will be back soon!

Journal #110

Here is a little tidbit to make you laugh...I am still awake. I have yet to go to bed like a normal human being since we have arrived. A cat. This is insane but I am going to try to take a final catnap as we are meeting Maria and Jeff when they arrive around 2. We don't have long as our driver will be getting us about 6:30 to go to the Bolshoy to see the Nutcracker.

Journal #109

*this is a warning-you may need a tissue*

Saturday. What a day...We were up early (he woke up-I have yet to sleep!) Off to McDonald's for breakfast. It is kind of cool to stroll across the street to grab a coffee and an English Muffin. We were picked up as usual (5 minutes early). We stopped at a Baby Superstore to buy the things requested by the director. We were a bit disappointed as we wanted to buy ANYTHING they needed but the only things they needed were pampers, diaper cream, shampoo, lotion, wet wipes, powder, and q-tips. We cleared the shelf of every case of pampers in the size requested (80pcase) about 15 cases, all of the other stuff I would grab a hand basket and swoosh the whole shelf into it and place on the counter. We were the biggest sale of the day. The manager gave us a 600 ruble discount a discount card for future visits too. Honestly we just couldn't buy enough but we bought everything. The conversion was about $450USD. Then we went to the electonic store. It was like a Circuit City. The size and products were impressive. We purchased them 2 cd/cassette players for them. The one they had just broke so they couldn't play music. Last stop was a grocery store downstairs to buy the caretakers a BEAUTIFUL cake. All of this was fun as we were excited to thank all of them in every way possible.

No matter what we did, where we went, and how we smiled we knew in the back of our minds today was going to be the last day to hold, play, feed, dress, snuggle, swing, tickle, and tease the most precious gift we could have ever imagined.

We arrived early as we wanted every possible second to spend with her. There was a group of about 12 teenagers in front of the baby home. They are the Green Beret's who are an Ecological group who clean up a bit outside, bring treats for the children. Basically they are there to volunteer some of their time to the orphans. We thought we would take them up on the offer to help bring in a FULL car load of items. With big gracious smiles they grabbed a few bags, VOILA we were finished. GOOD- I don't have a minute to spare! Today we walked into her bedroom as they were dressing her, cleaning her face, wiping her nose, fixing her hair and preparing our shiney angel for a day with us. She just woke up. Cupcake has a great disposition. She doesn't mind if you fuss with her clothes or hair. Wiping her nose isn't one of her favorites as she will swing her head quickly from side to side. She is a little congested but much better from day one. Then we were handed 2 bottles (one w/compote-one with cereal). We walked 2 rooms down the hall to the big playroom. I waited all night to smell her. I needed to hold her but she spotted the bottles and she was HANDS UP to the big boss. To watch her peacefully lying in his lap with one of her hand's and one of his on the bottle is priceless. A moment I couldn't interrupt (but I desperately wanted to snatch her!) When the second bottle had about an ounce or two left he offered her to me. I am not sure if he wanted to share or if he was nervous about a possible diaper surprise when we have NEVER seen her eat this way. She just isn't an eater. It takes her a little bit but usually will not finish her food but always her juice. Of course I gladly took the offer but she was full. I put the bottle in her mouth, she accepted and then pushed it away. As usual, everyday I tell her she is the Pink Princess and Nana might go crazy if she sees her in Blue so we change. I love when she takes her teeny hands and grasps my thumb while she pushes her other arm through the pink shirt. I didn't fuss with the blue pants as they actually looked really cute with the Jammie top. Today was not a day to waste time. I wanted to make sure we played with every toy possible, gave her all of the swinging time she craved, and today a special treat. Marco noticed the lovely piano. It has been there everyday but we never played with it. She sat on his lap playing and playing it was the highlight of all videos! Again the stacker, the wind up chickie, the books, the balls, the balloon, bubbles and our camera's. SHE can have, do, throw, whatever she pleases. She doesn't but she could! Today she can do whatever she wants as long as I get big snuggles and kisses.
Today was the first day I had her in my arms at the end because I always start to clean up and gather our belongings as we usually turn this meticulous room into a danger zone. I was hoping to see the fingers wander into her mouth and her head fall on my chest. It did, I felt like I wanted to crumble into a million pieces or put her in my bag and run run run. It was almost time to hand her over to the lovely women who adore her, care for her, and give us the gift of acceptance. They are so happy for us giving her a home. They thank us, we just can not understand. We thank you is our response. We leave today knowing she is safe and cared for in a more loving way than we could have ever imagined. We know she is happy and comfortable, her bed is clean, her belly always has food, and her nine little roomates will be there everyday to play and laugh with her. Her reality is 4 mommy figures with 2 nurses and a full time maid scrubbing every germ in this room. No shoes ever touch the carpet she plays on, and no one picks her up without washing her hands. We have some pretty high standards to match. We are so very thankful.

The other side of the coin is the attachment grows very quickly on our side making today tearful too. The glorious moment of meeting her is the only thing that will keep me going until we meet again. If I only had a bottle to fill with tears so she could oneday understand what it was like to leave her.

Anyone have a tissue? My shirt is soaked.

Journal #108

When we returned today I could barely keep my eyes open so I slept until midnight.Cooked dinner at 3 am. A wondeful dinner too. Roasted artichokes, mushrooms, and prociutto tortellini. I hear you all yeah yeah yeahing to get to baby part!

We arrived at the BabyHome at almost noon. They greeted us warmly as usual. Her caretaker saw us and ran to get to her. She smells so shiney clean and dressed in new clothes. Today she paused for about 10 seconds but warmed up quickly. What a bundle of joy! Her personality is eletric. From playing with toys to exploring our hair, the camera's, and even a tiny thread on the carpet is cute to observe. She went back to the keys we brought (great little toy to pack) as she likes the sounds and noise. We brought out a new toy today. The stacker (6 round doughnut shapes). Marco held her hands adn helped her take them on and off. After a few minutes she took one off, placed it on the floor, pciked it up and put it back on the stack. his made a great little video clip. We did a little soccer again. Her giggles just glue a smile to my face. The motion of swing her is a crack up! After an hour and half we took her to her group. She crawled away so quickly to sit next to one her friends. It was neat to watch. She sat there adn starting rubbing her eyes as it was clear she was ready for a nap. I was just not ready to leave! I begged adn pleaded for her to crawl back to give us hugs but "Come" is not effective. I think Elena may have felt badly for me so as she was saying something to the caretaker, teh caretaker stood up and BLAH BLAH BLAH and magically she sprinted (crawling) to us. UGH I was dying, we got to pick her up and hug adn kiss her goodbye. If you gently stroke her nose after she will give you great smiles. It was hard to put her down and leave today but we were also excited that we were rushing to the notary where we signed the aceptance papers to get a COURT DATE. This is what it is all about! Tomorrow for you and in about 5 hours for us we will be heading to a baby store to buy all of the supplies they need. Today we will have an extra long visit with her. We do not think we wil make it on Sunday so this will be last. OK OK I am starting to tear just thinking about it but without leaving we can't return. I just want to come home and return as soon as possible! Goodnight!

Journal #107

Good evening everyone! Good morning to me as it is 3:30am. I can't sleep when I am really depressed or really excited! I didn't have any intentions on leaving anyone in the dark but when we walked in I posted, made a few calls, Marco fell sleep, and I had to stare at the 82 pics and the 34 video clips we took during our 3 hour afternoon with our soon to be daughter. I realized I have never fallen in love before (sorry hubby) but I think he felt the same way too so no hard feelings. Before I tell you about today you should know we were in a very bad place yesterday. When we left the MOE at 2:30pm we were discussing the possibility of terminating the process. We have never felt so drained, so sad, and disappointed. Misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and the lack of being able to convery our position with the MOE led us to the logical deduction of there possibly being no resolution to the issues. We said "no" then they said "no" and back and forth. After a few refusals on our part we were granted permission to see a child who we couldn't wait to meet, at the orphanage we couldn't wait to return.

Today when we woke I was hesistant about how we would be greeted the second time same place. We were accepted in the same way with warm open arms. What a relief! We sat with the Director/Doctor who we find to be such a wonderfully warm woman who takes pride in the children, the home, and the accomplishments of her staff. They care to show off how the children can clap, stand, walk, and interact with them. They are proud women who have BIG hearts! Maybe we were lucky for them to like International's but we believe they are so excited for a child to find a family whether Russian or an American.

We started all over again in her office with a BIG file on her desk. She begins the review of the child's medical history, the family, the reasons for the Government Depriving them of their Parental Rights, the child's likes and dislikes and overall general personality of the child. To say the least, we were impressed and delighted. A matter of fact I am not quite sure I could have maintained such details of a bio child's life. Just as before the door started to crack open slowly as she finished the last sentence. How did they know? She didn't make a call, hollar out the door, or have any indication of how many questions we may ask, but we knew too what was about to happen. A gentle woman walked into the room with a smiling little girl in her arms. I stood with my arms outstretched towards her. We both stared for a half a second, then we both smiled. I forgot I wasn't the only one in the room! I twitched to turn towards Marco to hand her to him. He was smiling too. Then the three of us were oogling silently as she reached to touch his cheek. He then stroked her cheek. Then the silence was broken with the cutest giggle my ears have ever heard. Very smart Cupcake! She had him wrapped around her pinkie quicker than any woman EVER! I do not know how long we sat in the office until Doctor "T" spoke. Elena, our translator (who is the greatest), extended the same offer as before please feel free to take her into the playroom. She was sitting on my lap still oogling at Marco. In my nervousness, I swallowed and said I do not know what to do! How do I gather my belongings, her toys, and stand to walk out of the room. I actually felt a bit panic stricken. She saved me. She reached out for Marco and wiggled over on his lap. He took her into the large, immaculate playroom where we would play for the next 2 hours. At this point I was demoted to Photographer/Videographer. We slipped the booties over our shoes to keep the carpet clean, we emptied the toys, books, bubbles, a blow up beach ball in the middle of the floor, and grabbed the video camera & camera. We were all 3 laying in a circle on the floor as I started to blow bubbles, she began to crack them. Toy after toy was explored. We took turns grabbing the camera and speaking to her. She is a very ticklish child who smiles easily. Her curiosities and friendliness are amazing. We weren't quite prepared for how fast she can crawl or how inquistive she was about every tiny item. She darted (crawling) across the floor to pick up a little blue string. Very aware of everything. The door opened in the middle of our favorite moment. Marco was holding her in a swinging position inbetween his legs, I would roll the ball, he would give her a little swing to kick the ball back to me. The laughter this game created was so cute. We had to take a quick pause as our Doctor just arrived. He was so wonderful with us and with her! Of course we expected this as we worked with him on Monday. Soon after her favorite caretaker came to introduce herself to us. Irina came in with a smile and you knew she was a very important person in Cupcake's little life. She offered to take her to feed her or bring her lunch to us to feed her...OF COURSE we want to feed her! Again, you know who was demoted to camera girl! She was in his arms and he had 2 bottles. One with cereal and one with compote juice. Magically the compote juice disappeared but she was having no part of the cereal. Listening to him chant to her, "don't worry I wouldn't eat it either," was so great. The red balloon, this is one of the many remenants that other Americans were here before us! Let me not bore you with all of the details but from English children's books to balloon and blow up balls we knew we weren't the first Americans. Anyway, he took the balloon and rubbed it on her head, she took the balloon and rubbed it on his head, then her own. The video is quite adorable. Her personality at 16 months amazed us. She is so tiny at about 17 pounds to watch her snuggled in to his chest with her thumb in her mouth we knew it was time. We were offered to bring her to her bedroom/playroom to put her down for her afternoon nap. NO WAY! When she saw Irina still playing with 6 of her 9 other roomies she was hopping out of our arms and back to her life of playtime with her friends. It was sweet to watch her interact with the other children too. We leaned over the gate to pat and tickle a few friends. One is leaving tomorrow as his American family will be coming to get him. One is waiting for his American family to return for trip 2 and now she too is waiting for us. We were so exhausted but had to snatch her for one last round of hugs and kisses. A few have told me when we meet our child the past few days (nightmares) would be forgotten. I admit I thought they just didn't understand. This seemed so impossible. I admit, all of them were right! It seems like so long ago. After today I have already forgotten my life before her as I can only dream about tomorrow and the tomorrows to come! Tomorrow we will have a shortened visit with her. It is Friday which happens to be the last business day before we return home on Monday. We will have to hurry from our visit to the notary to sign the acceptance applications so we can hurry back to bring her home. I hope I filled you in on most of the details!

PS: most of blogger friends received a little surprise in an email. some of you didn't because I do not have your email address. If you click the link under our photo on the sidebar you can email us directly so I can send you a Cupcake too! feel free to ask any questions as sometimes I write evasively as we are limited on what we can post publicly

Today was the day we met our Cupcake!!!

Journal #105

Please refer to entry #103.

Journal #104

This post is for you, yesterday was ALL about me!
No News isn't bad news. In Russia, there is a process THEIR PROCESS. We are living in their world on their clocks. Here is a quick rundown of the day:

We went to McDonald's for breakfast at 7am (I never slept-now 2 days). We were picked up about 10am this morning. We had to got to a notary, which is very different and painful process as you could easily say we felt like we were in "reverse" as it took 4 women to notarize one document for 900 rubles. We didn't arrive to the MOE until 12:15. At 1 everyone leaves for lunch. They said we were required to come back tomorrow to see the head of the Ministry to explain the refusal and receive a new referral. Not happy but somewhat relieved to be able to go rest. We stopped at the grocery store and walked home in the slushy streets. Today was the first day we saw flurries.

Tomorrow we will be picked up at 11am to return to the MOE. At this time we hope to be able to move forward with the process.

I know everyone is hoping for better news, and I don't feel like posting, thinking, or crying for now. Maybe by the time you wake up tomorrow I will be smiling. It is 7am on Wednesday so in four hours we will find out if today will bring us to our child.

Journal #103

Today was difficult and devastating. To say the least it was the hardest day with many disappointments. At this time we have to request no comments. I will post. I want to share our experience with all of you, but until you read something happy hold the thouhgts...I know you are all thinking about us and wishing us well. With red eyes and a crack in my heart, soul, and spirit I will go to sleep hoping for a new day.

Journal #102

We are leaving to meet cupcake!

Journal #101 (3 Edits Added)

We arrived in Moscow at 10am (see post #100). Our plane hit a great gust of wind so we arrived over an hour early. We were met at the gate by Peace Travel (Andrei-see links under Travel Services), escorted through customs, and driven to our apartment (The Safari-can be viewed under Travel Services-apartment rentals). The leopard printed formica counters can't be seen well on their site but I will not let you escape in sharing in the details but Blogger is a little moody this morning so I will post pics later.

We unpacked. Of course I plugged in the ethernet cord within 10 minutes to post, figured out the telephone, brushed my teeth, and then went to sleep. I didn't think we would sleep after our 6 hour nap on board but we did until the phone rang RING RING (me<------not happy) but it was Peace travel on their way over to grab our customs form to register our visa's. After I figured out how to unlock our apartment door, then the Suite door, then the elevator, walk down a half flight of stairs, use the electronic key to discharge the door to the building, walk down a path, use another electronic fob to unlock the gate (think we are safe?), I handed him our papers so I could go back to sleep. One hour later I was awoken to RING RING. At this point Sleeping Beauty has slept through all of this but I was about to strangle someone as I HATE to be awakened. THEN IT HAPPENED...this lovely little guy not only handed me our paper work but he handed me my SIM card for my cell, and THE BIG SURPRISE...Again I wanted to post a pic but couldn't. Andrei came through with the gift of all gifts (for a little penny or two)...FRONT ROW TICKETS to the BOLSHOY THEATRE to see "The Nutcracker" on Sunday, December 10th (our last night in Moscow. How special to see in Moscow! If you can't tell I am SUPER excited!

Back to sleep I go with the biggest smile until I heard a mouse in the house. Sleeping beauty was scrambling through the empty refrigerator wishing we went to the store as I suggested earlier. OMG it was now 5:45pm and I was suppose to call Scott & Lisa to make dinner plans. We reached them and decided we would meet down the street for dinner as they looked at the map to find a place they wanted to try which happened to be a block from our apartment.

Moving like sloths we were fianlly out the door on time at 8pm. The RING RING again. It is like being at home with this phone business! It was Elena calling to introduce herself and give a rundown of the Monday ahead!!! She is going to be a very important part of this journey as she is our appointed translator...Yippee for translators!!! We chit chatted for a few minutes about our plans to meet "CUPCAKE" on Monday morning. The entourage (our facilatator, interpreter, and driver) will pick us up at our apartment at 9am to head over to the MOE. Great, now we have to run to find our friends.

We are exiting our building's million locked doors and find ourself looking to the right then the left, then at each other (this is why people get maps but NOOO not us!). Easy part- we are #20 need #7 so we cross this huge street. Right or left? We went left and yes we picked the right way! As we are looking for the restrauant we hear "Lauren!"( how cool to finally meet after talking and talking about this moment for 5 months-we never entertained being in Moscow together) and it was Lisa and Scott. We were still about a block or so from the restrauant so we continued on. We entered! What an amazing discovery! Fantabulous pick guys! This place was a "Ruth Chris" equivalency or better. The sevice, food (have pics for you), and company was great. We really just hit it off and had a BLAST. After eating and drinking, and drinking like ROCK STARS we ended up at another hot spot "The Cafe" about midnight. As we partied on a really nice old man walked over out of the blue to hand Marco a drawing. IT WAS A DRAWING OF MARCO-super awesome (another pic to post later). Our party started winding down about 2:30. After eating and drinking, and drinking AGAIN they needed to get some rest before they were picked up in 6 hours to head over to see their little one.

It was so great to hear about their child. he is almost 2 and is in a 2T. Easily described as a hearty and active toddler-not a typical orphanage child. I must admit my butterflies are subsiding and my excitement is combustible. In less than 24 hours we are going to meet "CUPCAKE." If this child only knew how much her family was waiting to hold, hug, and snuggle her!

Sunday Night Edition:

It is 7 pm Moscow time. Marco finally woke about 2:30. We went out to Tverskaya Blvd which is about 2 small blocks from our apartment. After stopping for a coffee at this beautiful cafe we walk around. This is 5th Ave style. There was Baladini ($500 and up) Italian shoes, Tiffany's, Replay, and I do not know the name but an exquisite gourmet grocery store. We shopped comfortably like we were at home. Prociutto, swiss, brie, salami, eggs, tortellini, mushrooms, artichokes, eggs, biscotti, juice, water, bagquette, and some other stuff. We only needed help selecting the milk so we decide to be safe and buy a 12 pack of creamers for our tea/coffee. It will do.

On our way home from the store we felt the CHILL. It was quite colder than last night. The wind was stronger and my ears and nose would vouch for my words.

We made a couple sandwiches when we returned. Chatted with our interpreter, and here I am reporting to you. Sleeping Beauty has resumed position in the Leopard Lounge. I hear a few loud sounds,lol) I think he is out for the night!

I can't believe our first full day is over. The next time I go to sleep (soon) and open my eyes, drink my tea, take a shower, and maybe call to wake up Mom...it will be the last time I do all things before I meet our daughter. Wow, that is a BIG one to type! Up until this point it has always been we are going to meet a child, tonight I know tomorrow I will be holding our baby. The emotions are starting to flow. I think the flood gates may open before I get to look in her eyes, BUT you will have to wait until tomorrow night to find out!

14 hours seems so far away but this is the closest we have been for 6 months!

Well we just aren't "still" people. Not too long after the first edit, Sleeping Beauty woke up. We decided to go out for a walk on Tverskaya to hunt down the pizza place Il Patio that everyone talks about. After walking to the point of thinking we are close to the airport we turned around to find somewhere else. We found it but it doesn't look like "Il Patio" in Russian. It looks like Il Nanto but the second N is in reverse. As soon as we spotted the menu outside with the brick oven pizza's we laughed. We walked in about 11pm. It is now 1:30am. All I can think about is we are getting picked up in 8.5 hours. The ticker is going quicker than expected. Getting a little nervous.

THIRD AND FINAL ADDITION:
iT IS 3:15AM, I just got out of the shower. Marco just fell asleep. Here is what I am thinking...I wish I was getting picked up in about 30 minutes because that is how long it would take to do my hair and get dressed but we aren't until 9am. The excitement is OOZING out of my pours and I want to be LOUD but everyone in the building is sleeping except someone who just flushed a toilet on the floor above. Everything is on the kitchen counter(paperwork, digital camera, and two video camera's with all of the batteries charged. Our second laptop (a mini) is charged and ready too. I need this so IF I need more video I can download quickly with one camera. Anyway I am trying to stay positive and believe everything will go well. However, I keep stumbling on a few glitches. As we have all read sometimes the first child doesn't work out, this is a tough one!. I have read too much! Also I hope the doctor is punctual and accurate. Then I am dying of curiosity....how old? what color eyes, what color hair? will she smile or scream? what will we do when she is placed in our arms? AM I GONNA BREAK DOWN, CRY AND DROP THE POOR LITTLE CHILD???

As you see I am holding it together by very fine thread. Breathe with me! I guess by noon east coast time I should have some news. Just know I am sitting on the edge of my seat too! Ijust want you all to know you have been the bestest blogger friends in the WORLD! Even though I was a little secretive about leaving, I promise I do not know one thing other than a little girl. Check in tomorrow! Goodnight!

Journal #100
Good Morning America from Moscow! We arrived Saturday @ 10am Moscow Time.