Journal #134

Here is a little Project Pink as I have been meaning to post my magic mirror I finished a couple of weeks ago. You can't see it well but below is a picture of the frame which I painted and glued tiny blue and pink crystals around the mirror and clear ones for an accent. The last photo are the valances to match the bedding. Inbetween the windows is the doll case from when I was little. Everytime my parents traveled they purchased a little doll from the country to add to the collection. I thought it would neat to put something old from my childhood into Cupcake's room. The changing station has cute bows instead of knobs. Here is the crib again for those who haven't seen. Maybe if Marco finishes the closet door I can post a picture if the 4 th wall!

Also a VERY BIG congrats to Laura and Melissa who both received court dates today! Hope we all get to meet up in Moscow!!!

Journal #133

I was going to blog about "My World." I know "I", "Me", and "Myself" are gladly about to disappear! "My World" has been reduced to pink, blue, baby stuff, and adoption friends. OOPS- and EXCESSIVE calls to my mother! Sometimes I even answer the phone to my non-adopting friends-if this isn't about pink or babies, I have to go. Ok- so I have been more of a sweetart than a sweetheart- but I have no shame about it. I believe no one on the outside understands so that note...I have to change the topic to BLUE.

Now I have to toast Maria! (Jeff too, but girlfriends are different)! Maria- Thank you so much for all of the laughs and tears for the past 6 months. There has been nothing I have looked forward to in my daily life like meeting you every Wednesday for lunch while passing the time away. So often I wonder how we have lived for many years in each other's backyard's and have never crossed paths. Everyday since we have had names and faces for the children I have wished for the first Wednesday we can all be together. Now I know we are so close!

Yesterday morning was an ALL TIME low for the two of us. I think by our 3rd or 4th call you were telling me you can't talk as you have to forget about the adoption "stuff" for a few hours so you can be functional at work. Our tearful sadness was quickly ended when you received the call- I told you right before we break to pieces-you know who would come through! I was excited I left teh mall and couldn't find the car (for what seemed to be a long time).

Cheers to you-You are such a special friend! Baby Tyler is waiting for you with open arms! Kleenex, please!

Journal #132

What can drive a somewhat organized & calm person to hysteria? Maybe not having read a book about motherhood or babies is a problem. Honestly, I am gambling on natural motherly instincts to kick in when they put Cupcake is my arms. My back up plan is my mother will be with me the day they put Cupcake in my arms, and Dr.V's phone number is programmed in my cell phone. Next, packing for a little one is interesting too. I have found it to be a little bit of a challenge in deciding what I want to bring and what she needs! All of her clothes are being washed and packed with a plethora of toys. I figured if I get all of the her stuff and the gift bags together by Sunday I can figure out my life. I am sure it will be easy for me to get myself together in 8 days but it is never as simple as it appears. In addition, I have to get Marco organized with the house and meeting me, have to get my parents prepared with visa's and flight reservations, and then I can take care of the gray hairs, the chipped finger nails, and organizing all of our papers and necessities. Gosh if last week I couldn't stand myself, this week I want to escape myself completely.

So no one is confused there is still NO COURT DATE but I am confirmed to leave JFK on February 6th and Marco will meet me at the appropriate time. Have a good day!

Journal #131

Here is a good story...I have been working on gift bags for Russia (the Director-Dr.Tamara, caregivers, and interpreter). About 3 weeks ago I found a Yahoo group for families who have adopted from the same baby home. It is so ironic how all of us say the same things. Everyone seems so impressed with the director. She is just a special lady who seems to make all of the families seem at home in her home. We didn't have some of the same restrictions. The playroom and the abundance of toys were open for us to play with our children. I decided I was going to make her a photo album with pictures and letters from as many families who wanted to participate. The album is so full I may have to do a second one!

On Friday evening I received an email from a mother who was hoping it wasn't too late to get your letter and photos to me. I email her back to say email me whatever you would like so I can include your daughter. OMG- I opened the email and my jaw dropped. I had to look again- her daughter was brought to her in the identical outfit that Cupcake was wearing when they brought her to us. My eyes filled with tears and I returned her email with a picture of the 3 of us with Cupcake in the same dress. Friday night all of us spoke for hours and hours, She too teared when she saw the picture of us. It was really neat. Also it was an encouraging and inspiring conversation. For the first timen in weeks I felt my nerves calming a bit. Some of my patience has been restored. Don't get me wrong- I am thrilled it is Monday in Russia as I hope court dates in Moscow start to come through but I know in time...

Hope everyone gets what they are awaiting!!!

Journal #130

Happy Friday! It has been brought to my attention I am not very CHIPPER lately. Sorry everyone! I want to post pics of the mirror, and I want to figure out how to put a video clip of Project Pink but I am slumping. Sitting by the phone for a court date! Isn't this healthy? I am leaving on February 6th with or without. There is no reason for my impatience as we were not expecting a court date until the last week of January. For some unexplainable reason I am unreasonable. I am worried. You just never know... In addition I miss Cupcake so much. I woke up hearing her giggles. Maybe this is an effect of watching the videos constantly. If I am at a red light (which is rare since I barely leave the house) I pull out the little camera to watch a clip or two until the lights change. Anyone else experience such ridiculous behavior? As I said before I am getting on my own nerves.

On a positive note-we are both very excited and ready to get back to Russia. With all of our issues we didn't get to see or do much so this long trip will give us time to catch up! Have a great weekend!

Journal #129

A special congrats to Lea and Paul on the adoption of their 2 boys! I believe they were the first court date of all of our blogger friends for 2007. Even better their 10 days were waved so they will be home soon! What a great way to start the year!

Journal #128

I am not quite sure today is any better than the weekend. After speaking to our agency they are not expecting a court date until possibly next week.

This week I will be a little busy with my Mom- the funeral is tomorrow.

The rest of the week & weekend I was going to start putting together the gift bags for the caregivers and Director of the baby home.

Then I can twiddle my thumbs until Monday AGAIN!

Have a good week!

Journal #127

This afternoon my mother's best friend passed away. MZ was a special woman. A terrific wife and mother to her three children. A loving grandmother, a very special friend to so many.

Last Sunday her daugher,grand-daughter, and son(in-law) joined us for dinner. Before dinner my mother spent a few hours at the house with MZ showing her all of the pictures of Cupcake. I am so sad for her family. So sorry she will never meet Cupcake. So sorry Mom. I know you are heartbroken. I love you!

Journal #126

Seems like yesterday, I was preparing my adoption office in my favorite guest room. Now I walk in Cupcake's room every night, and pause. Sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday I was cluttered with lists of papers to complete, and places to go. Today, I sit and wait in a way I NEVER could have imagined. Maybe we did things to quickly. If we had to paint, and decorate her room I would be busy. I have nothing to do. My mother asked me today if I wished I did things a little differently. Quickly I said "NO" because I don't feel like doing a thing but returning to bring Cupcake home. Yes Mom, I know I sound pathetic but it isn't for much longer...I HOPE! Believe me I am getting on my own nerves. Getting ready to go out this evening seems like a task and a half. There is nothing really important except reading about my blogger buddies coming and going to bring their children home, and being near the phone! As usual, the one thing that has not changed for a long time...I am excited for Monday's, PLEASE CALL US SOON WITH A COURT DATE! The weekends are too long. The one thing I know will change as soon as Cupcake is home....Weekend's will be welcomed again in our household! Have a great weekend!

EDIT: Kate sent such a great comment to remind that in Russia they are working on our file as we wish away the weekend, good point!

We went out last night and a wonderful time. Thanks Ruby & Lizzy.

This morning I will start the cooking marathon (after my coffee~!). Marco has a little surprise coming as my 3 main courses aren't enough, he has been having a Rib attack so Cousin Ruby will be bringing him a few racks of ribs. Believe it or not it will make for a VERY happy man today!

Journal #125

Today started at 5 am. I know for some this is no big deal. For me it is too early. I am on Russian time as I have been dealing with Andrei @ Peace Travel in Russia to figure out our apartment situation. Who would have imagined that all of the aprtments are booking so quickly that I basically only had the choice of 3 of which I was only interested in 2. Not quite sure why I woke up with anxiety about this but I am glad I did. Andrei informed me the hotels were booking quickly too and when his Atlanta office opens at 8 am these apartments would be gone. We took one and Maria & Jeff took the other. I guess anxiety won over superstition. Booking the apartment without the court date wasn't first choice but seemed necessary.

Originally we needed 2 apartments as family was joining us for the last 10 days. Unexpectantly, Marco will not be able to stay for too long after court so the 2 bedroom will suffice for all of us.

Today I also have a Pediatrician appointment to inteview the doctor. Hope I like her! It feels a little strange but I think it is a good time to check it out. Maybe when I get home I will be able to post pics of the mirror. Have a good day!

Journal #124

Happy Endings to ALL of the holidays. Maybe now our final paper work can be processed for a....court date?

YES-It is like a bad word. I don't say it, I whisper it like a disease in fear of jinxing myself, I dread being asked ALL of the time about this too. I must admit waiting for "IT" can really turn a great personality to "The Grinch." If it isn't about the baby or plans to return to her I can't think about it. It is a terribly unnatural feeling to leave your child. Of course you can argue the child is not ours but I bet all of us prefer to have an itinerary or convienence of one trip. A simple system would ease so many hearts and minds. When you read so much you have to worry will a family walk-in or even a simple call to the MOE to express interest in your potential child and WAM BAM.

This is what I worry about it. A puking child with diahrea having tantrums is so far away. Actually sound pleasant next to the thoughts that cross my mind.

Dealing with anxiety is something I just have not perfected. I am sure it will all disappear with joy so I am documenting these feelings so I do not get the crazy disease that so many of you have...."Adoption 2, 3, and 4" disease. It thrills me that so many Americans provide such loving homes for so many orphans. It seems so easy for everyone to talk about the horror stories which are tiny handful next to all of the successful forever families created.

Fluffy stuff: I have finished my last project for Project Pink. The mirror was found this weekend. The ironic part is: it is a store I can not stand. I walked in once when it first opened but it is such a terrible disaster in our city I swore NEVER to walk into Burlington Coat Factory. A matter of fact I feel manipulated. I saw a sign for Baby Depot so I thought it was another store but it is the name of their baby department. As I strolled in I wandered past the home goods department-looked up high and far to see the magic mirror I have been searching for months. I stayed up all night finishing the mirror after feeding 8 people. Don't look at our kitchen! Pictures coming soon!

Journal #123

1 2 3 is also our wedding anniversary. Today marked 4 weeks since we have seen Cupcake. To say the least it seems like too long ago! We just do not have anything left to do. I almost wish I had tons of paper chasing to complete. At least it would help pass time.

The good news is Monday will be here soon. All the weeks and months waiting for something...this week I just want Monday to come, the holidays in Russia will be over, and everyone will be back to work so we can get a court date soon. Tomorrow I am going to go shopping with Maria to get gifts for the Director, and staff at the orphanage. Then I am going to check out Baby Tyler's nursery. After we are going to have company for dinner. I just finished cooking everything for tomorrow. The menu: Veal Marsala, Lemon Caper Chicken, Paella, and a Spinach Lasagna. I thought I would take a quick break as I procrastinate cleaning the MESS I have accomplished.

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Also wishing a safe trip to Jen&Mike, and Laura&Rich.

Journal #122(#1 of 2007 edition)

Happy 2007 to everyone! May all of us see lots of PINK & BLUE for the year to come!!!
We just returned from our New Year's weekend! I think this was our last weekend away as "Marco & Lauren" as we are looking forward to moving forward to the next chapter in our life "Cupcake's Family" (coming soon!!). When the New Year came I silenced for a moment to whisper "Happy New Year's Cupcake! I miss you!" and then the party began. The champagne was flowing, the band was loud, the crowd was kissing, singing, and dancing. At some point we knew...we knew we entered a New Year in our lives like we can't imagine. There was a silent understanding between us. Sometimes you just know what the other one is thinking with no words. We had a blast but TONED DOWN from our usual. I guess some would still consider strolling in your hotel room at 4am to not be "tamed" but HEY..we found the door! Looking forward to 2007 for all of us in Bloggerland. Wishing everyone a speedy process, return for court dates, and travel home!